Settle in people, this is a slightly long one. I’m making up for lost time and for not posting much since 2018! Here we go! I recently started dating someone and things with us went zero to 100 in 0.2 seconds. We will call him D throughout this post. Normally, I run for the hills when things go too fast, too quickly but this guy appeared to be an amazing match for me. He is 42, no kids, has a cat (I have a cat), he writes a blog (Why, hello there and welcome to my blog! 😉) teacher, cute, tall, fun to be around, smart, passionate, etc. He added me on IG the night of our first date so that read to me as though he had nothing to hide. I should have possibly seen it as a bit of a red flag, honestly. Just that perhaps this guy was to good to be true. He told me he was lonely, which made my heart melt. His honesty had me immediately hooked on him.

We had three dates in four days and by the following weekend we were attempting to introduce our cats to each other, mostly so we could hang all weekend, uninterrupted. It was a decision we would end up regretting. I think both of our cats have somewhat similar personalities and they did not hit it off at all. I brought Milo to his place. His cat, G, wasn’t having it. Yowled at Milo and his hackles were raised on end along his back. Milo cowered in any corner he could find, desperate for safely. We had to separate them if we left the apartment. Even when we were there, we kept them apart. It was extremely traumatizing for all four of us. I decided after just one night to get Milo home. He flipped out! Hissing, swatting and trying to escape the clutches of his carrier. My arms and hands took the brunt of the damage. I was a bloody mess. It hurt but as soon as we were home, he was totally fine. Possibly even contrite in regards to his earlier behavior. I think he may even have been slightly apologetic, purring and licking me.

It was way too soon to have made that move, introducing the cats. Shortly there after D felt horribly guilty for stressing out *his* cat, saying nothing about me or Milo. He nervously said that perhaps we should slow things down. My heart sank a bit but I agreed with him. I didn’t know enough about D yet and things were going very, very fast. That said, in practically the next breath, he was giving me a key to his place and a drawer in his dresser. I’ve never had whiplash so badly as I did after that. He knew we should take things more slowly but couldn’t help himself. Heart versus a head thing, as he calls it. In getting to know D better, I began to slowly calculate everything this guy had on his plate and I was overwhelmed for him. Here is just a sampling of a few things on that list:

• His father passed away unexpectedly two months prior.

• His mom has sever Alzheimer’s and is now in an assisted living facility, as his dad used to be her caretaker.

• His one brother is a flat earther (😳) and is less than helpful in dealing with everything that needed to be done with the estate.

• His ex is still living in the house they own together and, while they have been separated for a year, she only filed for divorce on 12/5/19… thanks for that Google, Lisa. Good times.

As you can imagine, I didn’t even know how he fit me into his life, given the state of everything. Retrospectively, I feel I must have only just been someone to distract him from all the bullshit he was dealing with.

We were hanging out all the time, with me mostly going to his place because it was reverse commute. It was still a 45 minute drive one way. I spent over $500 on gas in a month 🤯 It would have taken him two hours to come out my way so I made the sacrifice. I really, truly liked this person I was getting to know. He was my favorite three S words: sweet, smart and sexy. He would hold my hand wherever we went and give me forehead kisses. I didn’t know how much I love forehead kisses until I was getting them from him. Our connection was palpable. We were *that couple* I used to roll my eyes at. Public displays of affection is an understatement.

I invited him to Christmas dinner. He had no where to go and, as crazy as my family can be, it’s better to be with someone who cares about you than alone, right? Right. It was a bit nerve wracking because I’ve only ever introduced my family to 3 people I’ve dated before. The last Christmas dinner guest was 2013 and that is a tale for another time. The takeaway from 2013 is teach your children manners, folks. Please and thank you’s go a long way and are invaluable. Ahem. I digress.

My mother loved him, a stark contrast from 2013. Before she knew that though, she had baked some cookies and wrapped some cat socks on top. She gave them to him at the table. He said thank you and that it was his only Christmas gift he’s received for Christmas so far. We all sort of gasped a bit. Later my mom said she almost cried at that statement. She felt so badly for him. Don’t worry too much though. I just hadn’t given him his things yet. I had a whole stocking for him in the car and I had purchased us tickets to go to a hockey game at the end of January. The second thing that won my mom over was how he spoke to and treated their cats. One cat is elderly and slept in her bed all evening. He sat on the couch next to her, petting her and talking to her in the high pitched voice he uses to talk to animals. He even leaned in and kissed her on her head. Forehead kisses for everyone 🥰! He thanked my parents for dinner/his gift and kissed me goodbye. I drove to his place after to give him his stocking.

So now you’re almost up-to-date with me and D and I’m sure I’ve left you wondering why this entry has the title of The Reverend long enough. After D added me on IG, of course he started popping up as someone I might know on other social media sites. I added him on FB and Snapchat and he added me right back. It took me a couple weeks before I did a deep dive on his FB page. He had not cleaned it up or hidden anything from when he was married and it was a treasure trove of pictures and posts!

One set of pictures literally blew my damn mind. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I rubbed my eyes. Is that… is that D?!? I squinted. The picture I was viewing was him in what looked to be some sort of priest like robes!?! What am I looking at right now!?! Is this real life??? All sorts of questions were streaming through my brain. Is he truly an Ordained Reverend as the caption on the photo stated!?!? What sort of crack pot was I dating? No offense to anyone but, if you’re super religious, I have a tendency to question your intelligence. We already know D’s brother is a flat earther so it wasn’t a far jump to think he may have been cut from the same sort of cloth… The questions continued: Is he still active in this life style?! Why didn’t he tell me about this!? What else might he not be telling me about???

The biggest question I had was, what would be worse? If his ex wife sort of forced him into becoming ordained or if he himself chose that path?? I leaned toward the latter being the most offensive-to-me, option of the two. I looked up everything I could about the church. I looked at their website trying to figure out what sort of sect of Christianity it was, if he was on their staff page, etc. It was really bothering me that he didn’t share this tid bit of information about his life with me.

I knew this info going into Christmas dinner and let me tell you how hard I was side-eying him as my mom lead us in prayer before our meal. Let’s just say, I about popped a blood vessel. I just assumed he was a recovering Catholic like I was because he had gone to a Catholic high school and he mentioned his mother was Catholic. He didn’t bless himself or say Grace with the four of us but he did bow his head. He still doesn’t know I know this because I never got the opportunity to address it… So… hey there, if you’re reading your own entry. It’s probably something you should either go and hide on your fb page or tell people about. It was an extremely weird thing to discover you were hiding. Just sayin’.

I’m sure the next thing you’re thinking is that this cannot be the reason he is getting a post. No, no it is not. I’m not that crazy of a person to write someone off for their beliefs. It takes a bit more for you to get this long and in-depth of an entry from me.

As I said earlier, he was in the midst of dealing with his father’s estate. That required a few trips up north a few hours where his parents home is. I knew he wanted to use the holiday break from work to do a lot of this so I took a back seat and let him know if there was anything I could do to help to let me know. I knew after New Years he was going up and I offered to check in on his cat. So this past Friday I drove down after work. I noticed he had cleaned up a bit, which was good, and went to work on making sure G was happy. I fed him, cleaned and filled the pet water fountain, swept the kitchen and played/gave pets to Mr. G.

I went to use the restroom before I left and I noticed my toothbrush that was on the sink for weeks was missing. I looked under the sink and it was there with my shower poof. I went into the bedroom to look around and noticed candles were out that weren’t out when I left on Wednesday. I found a receipt in the bathroom garbage from 10:00 the night he said he was driving up to his parents at 6:00. He was lying to me. I called him. No answer. I texted him to please call me ASAP. 15 minutes later he did. I asked why my toothbrush was under the sink and he said he had started seeing the girl again who had ghosted on him before me. My heart sank. I asked why and how. He answered that she had wrote him Merry Christmas and that he met up with her. I asked if he cared about me at all and he hung up on me. That stung. I know he wasn’t officially my boyfriend but we had had the not sleeping with other people chat. Very worst of all, he put my health at risk.

I felt sick. I still do. I truly liked and cared for this man. I’m mostly sad though. Sad he could do this to me and mad at myself for not realizing sooner that he wasn’t ready for what I *am* ready for. I saw him Sunday. We had to exchange keys and he had a couple things of mine. He gave me a card that was hand written and heartfelt. I know he is sorry about it all. I do still think if he had truly cared about me, it wouldn’t have happened. He wouldn’t have wanted anyone else. I hope he takes this as a life long learning lesson how not to treat the people you’re dating and to be honest in all aspects but most importantly in with what you’re looking for from the other person. If you’re not ready to be serious with someone, don’t be. Don’t give keys out. Don’t give drawers. Don’t lead people on, selfishly. Be whole and available. Heal and focus on you.

In conclusion, this bullet may have grazed me but it was mostly dodged. I still have hope that one day my kind heart will find it’s match. I won’t let one person burst my bubble when it comes to finding love ❤️