I’ve only met and dated two men in my lifetime whom I did not meet online first. One was my high school/college boyfriend, who is a waste of a thought, let alone blog space. I saw him about a year ago at a local Target. I walked by as if I never even knew him. The second man, who should never be lumped into the category with the aforementioned loser, was introduced to me at work. Though we only dated briefly, he is now one of my best friends. I appreciate and respect him so much that this will be the one and only time I speak of him in this sort of capacity. I only hope to meet someone as kind, thoughtful, intelligent, and all around fantastic as my friend is. Part of me still hopes we figure it out but if not, I’m glad we are good friends. These two individuals represent the very best and worst I’ve ever dated. I find it odd they even have anything in common, aside from me.

The rest of the bunch I’ve met online and for the last year and a half, one guy in particular has been ‘around’. My friends call him Tattoo Face for obvious reasons, though, to be fair, I couldn’t see them at first from his pictures online. He had the angles! Hahaha! Ahem… anyway, TF wrote me on a dating app, asked me out and I went on a date with him. At first it was only two tattoos on his face.  One of his daughter’s names down his sideburn and this cool open outline of California.  Not horrible but also not great. Despite his poor judgement of ink placement, he was still very handsome. He was the ultimate bad boy. Tons of tattoos, gauged ears, smoked a ton of pot, rode a Harley, couple of kids from a couple of different baby mamas. The list is endless. Of course the old adage is true. We all want the bad boy. The key word there is “boy”.

I shouldn’t have been surprised by TF’s bad behavior whatsoever but I was. Last minute cancellations, never taking me out, smoking pot in my house, lying excessively, etc. These are all bad behaviors but the worst thing he has done has been putting me on the spot to pay for things for him. The first time it happened he had dragged me to two different malls looking for a particular pair of Vans. When he finally decided on the two he “needed” we walked up to the register. After they were rung up, the cashier asked how he’d like to pay. He said, “My baby is going to get them for me.” and looked at me. I should have scoffed at him and told him no but I was embarrassed at the position he put me in. I didn’t know how he’d react if I told him no in public. That should have been a major red flag! I shouldn’t be out with someone who would put me in that situation in the first place or whom I don’t know well enough to gauge their reaction if denied.

It turns out that TF had lost his job a while back and, unbeknownst to me, had been living off the sale of an inherited house after the death of a family member. About $130,000.00. He blew most of is on his Harley, tattoos, and a 1960’s style Chevy Impala.  I would ask if he was at work and he would say yes but then he never was.  He didn’t come out and say that he didn’t have a job any longer. A lie of omission is still a lie. TF had money for some things, like new tattoos and pot. I did question how he was paying for all of it but he shrugged me off and said that his friend bought it for him, he paid for it a while ago, etc. The face tattoos grew!  A Harley symbol next to his right eye, an eagle on the side of his head, a small flower next to his daughter’s name.  The he moved to his neck… the comedy/tragedy masks, a giant pair of red lips with a black widow crawling out of them, and the worst of all, a huge Jason mask with a bloody knife that said ‘Camp Crystal Lake’.  One of the new tattoos was a depiction of Jesus on the side of his head. Right next to the letters FAB which means “Fuck A Bitch”, in honor of his “baby mamas”. Super classy. Then again, when my mom asked why I didn’t get anything spiritual for my first tattoo, I could always point out that his head tattoos included our lord and savior. Can’t get more spiritual than that! Not that TF was ever going to meet my mother. She’d drop dead out of horror. He used to say that he would cover them all up with makeup to meet her. Lol! Like she wouldn’t see right through him. Lisa: Say, TF, where did you go to school? Oh… and where do you work? Ah, Uber! As an engineer? Oh, no? As a driver… ah. Ok. 🤐

When the funds dried up, he began to drive for Uber here and there as well as leach off me. Last we spoke, he had just gotten kicked out of the place he was staying. He said that $3000.00 went missing and his good friend of 20 years had a sinking suspicion that it was TF. I was on the fence about if he did it or not until he said that if he had taken it, the first thing he would do is pay me back. 😒🙄 My bullshit meter went way off… He also got an iPhone X during this same time frame. Coincidence? I think not. I haven’t spoken to him in months when he flaked on me because he didn’t have money for gas. Who doesn’t have gas money!? His tab with me is now around $800.00. I think of it as insurance that he will never reach out again. If he does, I will ask for the money and he will crawl back under the rock he came out from.  I have another Tattoo Face story for the blog but will save it for another time.  Stay tuned!