I am so exhausted of getting my hopes up, when it comes to dating, only to end up having them dashed by men who have little to no regard for anyone’s feelings but their own. The story I’m about to tell is as fresh as it can be, only concluding today.

Before I get into it I want to discuss one of my favorite aspects of dating; receiving a notification that I have a new message in my inbox. I love getting messages. Before I open them, there is always the possibility of the future, but more often than not, I discover a cringeworthy diatribe waiting for me. In my opinion, the last one is the cherry on top, the pièce de résistance. Here are the examples:

I have no words for these amazing illustrations of bad behavior. They still give me the creeps. As long as I continue to receive messages like this, I will add them to my blog so these dudes can creep you all out, too!

I inherently give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to trusting them to be decent human beings. You’d think after all these horrid first messages, I’d lose hope. Not sure if it’s hope or the definition of insanity, but either way, I persevere, continuing to put myself out there with the thought that one day I’ll meet someone who fits.

Two weeks ago, I was stood up for the first time in my life. Sure, I’ve been cancelled on mere hours prior to dates but this was the first time that I waited alone 40 minutes for a man so disrespectful that he couldn’t even shoot me a text to tell me he wasn’t coming. His name is Chris. He doesn’t get a funny moniker because of how big a douche he is. I contemplated using his real last name and pictures but after today, I’ve changed my mind.

Chris and I started talking on a dating site back in November. He was intelligent, funny, and we had good conversation. We set up a first date, despite our travel schedules, for early December. He lives in Texas but splits his time in the Bay Area after his startup was acquired by a company in Mountain View. That made me hesitant about meeting him but I was at least willing to have a drink and chat since he asked me out.

A few days prior to our date, Chris stopped replying to texts. I wrote him off, deleted our texts, and moved on. It was the holidays and that should be about family anyway. I’ve been ghosted on before and, each time it happens, it gets easier and easier to not wonder why. I forgot about Chris and went on with life. That was until January 5th when I got another text from him out of nowhere. This is what the dating world calls Zombieing. When a ghost comes back from the dead. It’s as scary as it sounds.

He apologized for disappearing. Said that he lost a friend to suicide but that he still wanted to meet me if I could forgive his disappearance. My gut said that he was lying but it was such a sensitive subject, I couldn’t bring myself to call him out. I told him I’d have to think about. I discussed it with friends and I decided that I’d give him another chance. He said he would flying in to SFO on the 16th and that he wanted to see me that night. I agreed to meet him and, in the mean time, we wrote back and forth every day. When the 16th arrived, he confirmed with me at 5:00 that he would see me at 7:00.

I raced home after work so I could freshen up my makeup and hair. We were meeting an hour away, in traffic, from my home at my favorite Speakeasy in the South Bay. I arrived a few minutes early and, since it was pretty cold out, I texted him I had arrived and that I was headed inside. He didn’t reply. I ordered myself a drink and awaited his arrival. At 7:20, 20 minutes after we agreed to meet, I questioned if we said 7 or 7:30. I wrote him again, double checking the time. He didn’t reply. At 7:40, I left. I texted him one last time with the simple saying, “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.” I said goodbye and blocked his phone number.

I was so angry I was on the verge of tears. I couldn’t believe it. Who DOES that? What kind of monster confirms with someone two hours prior and doesn’t show up?! Now it was personal. If he had just let it go after he ghosted… Now I couldn’t let it go. I needed a better conclusion. I needed to know anything more that could help me understand.

I went back to the dating app. I found his profile and saw that he was online. I couldn’t resist messaging him. I wrote, “I’m sure I’m wasting my time but what the fuck!? How could you do that to me!?” He read the message and promptly blocked me. Funny thing though, even though he blocked me, I could still see his account. We had been pretty glossy on the life details, name of our companies, last names, etc. I looked at the pictures and realized that if I wanted to know more I’d have to find something on his profile to work with.

I always tout myself as a woman who is legitimately not a crazy person. I normally move on and don’t bother with people who obviously don’t want to date me. I always say I’m not about to try to talk someone into liking me or being with me. I should make it clear that, at this point, I didn’t want to date Chris either but standing me up after everything else was my final straw. Something inside of me snapped. I knew this guy was dirty and I was going to find out what was up.

On his profile, he has a picture of himself completing an Ironman with his bib number showing. A quick google search and I had everything. His last name, his company, even his Facebook page, which included the update that he was recently engaged.

GOTCHA Super Douche! I was not surprised at all. I need to listen to my gut instincts. The engagement happened the week after he ghosted on me. I decided that I was going to let this woman know what her fiancé was up to. I wrote a very composed message and sent it to her via Facebook messenger. It said, “Hey girl. I’m sorry to be writing to you about this but I thought you should know what Chris is up to when he is in the Bay Area. He has an active Plenty of Fish account, listing Mountain View as where he lives, and he started talking to me back in November. If you want screen grabs of everything, I can send you it all. I just found out about you yesterday. Let me know if you want more information. I’m so sorry.”

She wrote me back within 15 minutes of writing her. She asked to see what I had and I sent her everything. Screen shots of his profile on the dating app, our texts, everything. She had some questions and I answered anything she needed to know and then I wished her good luck.

I do wish her luck. I cannot fathom finally thinking that I’ve found my person only to have been misled like that. It made me sick to my stomach but I have been cheated on before and I would have rather known than found out later. She told me I saved her. I want to believe her.

Normally, I just get back on the horse and continue to put myself out there but this story made my heart sad. I have other stories for you but I’m taking a break from dating for now. I do know there are good men out there, I do. I know that my optimism will eventually return to me but until then, I’ll continue sharing my awful dating life with you. As much as I like writing them all down, I do hope one day I run out of material. ❤️