A friend gently reminded me that I’m failing as a blogger. She went to show her colleague my site and was shocked to see my last post was from January LAST YEAR. For shame, I have utterly failed at my commitment to write monthly in 2017. In my own defense and to be fair, working at the startup was a ton of work between February and April. Then, moving back to my previous company but contracting for the startup after hours (5pm-10pm) from April until August was crazy. I had no social life or time for myself at all. I also got a kitten in September! His name is Milo and I’m in love, even if he is bitey sometimes.

Regardless, it’s cringe-worthy that I haven’t written in so long and I hope that I keep you all interested. My friend has lit a fire under my ass and I have no fewer than 10 bad dating stories and 8 Lisa stories to share with you all! Thank you, Amanda! I will try my best to be more consistent now that I’m back to one job. I’ve even started dating again and already have two more stories to add to the list! One may quite possible be the worst entry yet. I think I’m even going to use his real name, he was that awful. Coming soon so stay tuned!  That’s enough housekeeping, now, on with the show…

In my opinion, the most unattractive thing a man can do is try to talk me into dating him when I’ve clearly let him know that we are not a match. I’ve already decided that I’m not into him, for whatever reason, I’ve been a grownup and let him know this, instead of taking the cowardly way out and ghosting on him, and I would appreciate if his response reflected the situation. Be an adult and accept it. Shake my hand and move on to better opportunities. That is what I do when someone decides I’m not their cup of tea. I will never talk someone into dating me. I deserve someone who wants to get to know me and appreciates my amazingness enough to want me in their life. Also, if someone feels that I’m not the one for them, it’s really their loss because I’m fucking awesome! Everyone should have this outlook about themselves. Love yourself first so someone else can love you too!

A little while ago, I went on a couple dates with a guy.  At first, things went well, minus his choice of hairstyle; the manbun. I remember when he hugged me the first time. His hair smelled like a camp fire, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but strong smells of any kind leave a lasting impression. I got the vibe that he might be a bit too hippy dippy for me, but I tried to be open minded. Since I like to use monikers for these ill-behaved men I’ve dated, this guy will be known as Manbun. On our first date, we had dinner and the conversation flowed well. I was a little concerned that he was a 30-year-old man who still lived with his dad all the way down in the south bay, which is a touch far from where I live, and that he worked in the Santa Cruz mountains, so even further away. Manbun wasn’t concerned with the distance and, since we were still getting to know each other, I tried not to worry about it either.

Things went from okay to very bad over one phone call.  Since we lived far apart, we talked on the phone quite a bit, usually when he was on highway 17, on his way to work. Now if you’ve never driven highway 17 here in the bay area, it is the 4-lane highway that connects the south bay to the coast, over the Santa Cruz mountains and it is windy AF. It’s a pretty dangerous road.  So, while we were chatting, he mentioned that he was thinking about moving to LA. I asked if he was thinking of moving to LA why he was still trying to date up here.  I could hear agitation in his voice. The (road) rage was strong in this guy. I heard wheels squealing and a loud horn blast. I was cautious with my next words. I asked if he was ok and he screamed that some lady isn’t letting him by and he was going to be late for work! He was being very aggressive and, while I’m sure it wasn’t the best time to be discussing us not seeing each other any longer, it was too late to change the topic. He accused me of speaking down to him, which I absolutely was not. I voiced my objection and received this retort verbatim: “I’m tired of bitches in this area talking down to me!  The next chick that talks down to me, I’m going to get a gun and I don’t know what I’m going to do…”

. . . O.O . . .

Alarms went off inside me immediately!  My tone changed from annoyed and determined to calm and docile, attempting to settle him down. This dude was out of his damn mind!! I didn’t want to be anywhere in his vicinity if he was true to his word. He legit scared me because I honestly did not know him well enough to know if he was just talking out of his ass or if he was for real. I continued to talk him down while we were on the phone until he arrived at work and had to end the call.  When he texted me a day or two later, I continued to reiterate that I didn’t think we were a good match. He proceeded to blow my phone up. Walls of texts were sent of him arguing aggressively about wanting to continue to see me.

I held my ground and he eventually gave up. Since he knew where I live, I was scared for a while that he would attempt to see me again by showing up.  It’s been long enough now that I don’t think he is an issue any longer.

When I read the news, and hear about someone who went missing after a date with someone they met online, my thoughts drift back to Manbun. Online dating can be a minefield of unknowns.  I ended up being lucky, but this situation may have been avoided if I had talked to Manbun a bit longer before agreeing to go on a date with him. He may have shown his true colors prior to our dates and I would have saved myself the stress of it all. You really don’t know who you’re going out with. The best advice I can give is to always make sure someone knows you’re on a date. Give the person’s phone number, photo, etc. to your sibling, friend or person you trust. Make sure you let them know when you’re home from the date. Keep your people in the loop of your life. I realize this wasn’t a very funny post but it is an important one. Stay safe people and always keep your wits about you, dating or otherwise.