Love is a crazy thing.  It can make you laugh one moment and completely break down in another.  It can make you feel like you’re flying with happiness and be so crushed you may think the sun will never shine again.  Sometimes, to feel loved, I’m willing to let people in who are not worthy of me.  I think many people are like this.  We settle for less than we deserve.  We are willing to put up with ridiculousness just to make sure we’re not alone.  I give too much of myself just to feel loved for a short amount of time. I cannot keep doing this to myself.  I refuse to settle.  I’m tired of giving so much for little to no return on investment.  While I do make mistakes in dating, sometimes letting people stay longer than they should or just dealing with bad behavior in general, I am getting better about it.  I miss having the one person who makes me feel like the only girl in the world.

I read something recently that really struck a cord with me.  It said,

“Lately, I’ve been thinking about who I want to love, and how I want to love,

and why I want to love the way I want to love, and what I need to learn to love that way,

and who I need to become to become the kind of love I want to be…

and when I break it all down, when I whittle it into a single breath, it essentially comes out like this:

Before I die, I want to be somebody’s favorite hiding place,

the place they can put everything they know they need to survive,

every secret, every solitude, every nervous prayer,

and be absolutely certain I will keep it safe.

I will keep it safe.”

I do have the love of my family and friends.  I feel that love daily but there is something about the love of a partner that is so satisfying.  I know I’m good alone and that the grass is always greener on the other side but I crave being someone’s special person.  I have so much to offer and I know what kind of partner I can be.  I just wish someone would see it soon.  I’m tired of people asking, “Why are you single!?”.  I can honestly not answer that question.  I know I’m a little picky but I’m more open minded than most.  I recently made a list of things I need in another person. It is definitely more realistic than yacht girl from a few posts ago:

-No smoking

-No drugs

-Employed

-Wants a kid or two (eventually…)

-Wants to get married (eventually…)

-Is a positive person (for the most part)

-Must be social (for the most part)

-Good communicator

-I have to be attracted to them

Otherwise, nothing else is a deal breaker.  I really don’t think the list above is asking for too much.  It is exactly what I bring to the relationship.  Like I’ve said before, you have to be the person you’d want to date.  You cannot have expectations for someone else that you cannot oblige yourself.  That is the definition of being unreasonable.

I cannot just continue to complain about being single.  I need to do something.  So I’m going to smile more, be more approachable, listen actively and continue to work on me.  I’m also going to try to go out of my comfort zone by meeting people in real life and by doing things I enjoy.  I might take a writers workshop, I might join a volleyball club or a book club.  I am committed to doing something to break this streak of bad dating luck I’ve had.  I feel by doing these things I’m bound to meet someone who will match with me, right?  You can’t blame a girl for trying 🙂