I went to lunch today with a friend from work.  She was talking about how men make women crazy and, not that I disagree with her, crazy is a two way street.  For example, I have a guy friend who has almost as good dating stories as I do.  Almost!  He tells two tales that have stuck with me over the years.  The first is the story of a chick who, legit, brought a requirement sheet of traits that her “Prince Charming” must have.  Some examples of the required features were that he graduated from an Ivy League school, that he can ballroom dance, and that his family owns a yacht.  Ok, princess, reel it in.  The second, and completely separate girl, asked my friend what his lifetime earning potential was as her opening question.  My friend was so offended he excused himself from the date.  When he reached the door to leave, he thought of exactly what his retort should have been!  *Lifts pinky to lips* ONE MILLION DOLLARS!  He was very upset he thought of that too late.

My coworker intently listened to my examples of crazy chicks and responded that she would simply like a man with a car and a job who treats her good, let alone a yacht!  Let’s keep it real, folks!  Its the simple things in life that make people truly happy.

And now, drum roll please, for your reading entertainment pleasure, I present… HUGGY BEAR!

A few years back, I agreed to meet up with a guy for coffee.  I walked into the coffee shop and scanned the room for my date.  I did not see anyone that looked familiar, yet I heard my name being called.  I scanned again and saw a man who looked vaguely like my date.  It was my date but the photo he used on the site was probably 7-8 years old.  Shockingly, I made his introduction and let him buy me a coffee.  I never understood what exactly the point was of using outdated pictures if you were going to eventually meet someone in person, unless he needed it to land the date the first place.  Honestly, he wasn’t an unattractive guy, physically.  We took our coffee to the bookstore across the way.  It was there that he proceeded to spew any and all awful things going on in his life.  He owned two houses.  Both were under water.  One was painted black on the inside so he was having trouble renting it.  I asked why he didn’t just paint it another color and he responded that it would be too hard to cover up the black.  The look on my face must have told him I thought he was odd.  It didn’t phase him one bit though.  He then told me he just got out of the hospital.  That he rolled a four wheeler and that his insurance didn’t cover all the medical bills.  He also couldn’t stand still in one place.  He kept walking back and forth, four steps in either direction.  I just kept pivoting his direction as he moved.  I couldn’t believe that he was being so negative.  This isn’t a therapy session, my friend.  You are trying to woo me not make me run for the hills.

As we ended our date, he walked me to my car.  I told him it was nice to meet him and I gave him a one arm over the shoulder, ass-out hug goodbye.  The I’m-not-interested-but-I’m-polite hug goodbye.  It was then I heard him say, “Oh no!  You’re getting a REAL hug!”.  Next thing I knew, my other arm was up and over his shoulder and he was giving me a bear hug.  He then proceeded to lift me clear off the ground.  I made a noise that was alarming, a cross between a squeal and a scream, and he set me down.  Now I have to say that I am no 110 pound girl, who you can throw over your shoulder, not that if I was, it would be OK either.  My weight may be misleading since I know how to dress my body.  I, hurriedly, said goodnight, got in my car and sat there for a little while in shock.  I couldn’t believe what had just happened.  As I began to drive out of the parking lot, I saw my date walking in the cross walk on the way back to his car.  I could see he was talking to himself.  It was before hands-free devices were really popular so I assume he was talking to himself. Then, all of a sudden, he threw his hands up above his head, exasperated in his own behavior, I can only imagine.  Needless to say, he didn’t get a second date, only to forever be know as Huggy Bear.